My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.