I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
