Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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