Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
