u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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