the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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