I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
