At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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