I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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