it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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