When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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