If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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