Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
