im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house