Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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