I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
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He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.