K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."