I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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