38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.