So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
