I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
