Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
