Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
