I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
