I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
