Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
