i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
