I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
