She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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