i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
