you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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