No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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