I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
