You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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