i may or may not be watching the land before time
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
