I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize