wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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