Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
