life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
