If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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