I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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