I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
