I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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