I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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