Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
