toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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