ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
