dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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