I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.