There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
