Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.