i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.