He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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