I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
