he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
