The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
