I bet he comes in French.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
