Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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