This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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