All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
