I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
