My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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