so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
