And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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