and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
