I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
