i think i have two assholes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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