really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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