Screwed.edu
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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