I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
