If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
