he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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