Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
