What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
