i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
