I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
