those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
