since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
