i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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