did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
