Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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