my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
