Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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