She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
