Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
