the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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