How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
