btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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