when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
