I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
