I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
